Before I went overseas for the adventures you've already been informed of, I had decided to plan time with my Maa and Paa when I got back. Never enough time to hang with these ageing dear first Guru's of mine.. and I thought I'd have time to catch up with friends in Brisbane too. The universe works in mysterious ways and the day before my flight from Barcelona, I get a message from dad, saying "call home". Yikes, my dad's succinct communications are sometimes I little disconcerting. So I call home to discover mum and fallen and broken her hip ~3 weeks earlier and was waiting in the rehabilitation hospital for me to come home. They were willing to discharge her to the care of her physiotherapist daughter. Mum always plays that trump card!

So slowly things evolved in a way that allowed this – I'd managed to rent out my residential studio in Bryon to a lovely lady, who in the end could stay the whole time I was to be in Brisbane. So I didn't have the stress of rent and could devote myself fully to the task of getting my mamma moving. People on retreat in France, laughed at my fantasy of going home to deep clean my parents home – dad can't see the dirt and mum can't reach it, so house is not kept to mum's past middle age standard.. Anyway this fantasy had evolved into something that was like full time fitness boot camp for No 1 mamma Guru. Tam on to it...

 

It will not surprise you to know that this fantasy didn't go down too well with Mum... at 78 you do not want to be bossed around by a (however knowledgeable and well meaning) daughter. And so it was time for advance yoga practice retreat with family.. There is a saying “Think you are enlightened” go live with your parents for a week. So in this time I did a lot of enquiry and learnt a lot. Mum and I, battled and there where lots of angry and fearful tears... but we got there.

 

So the lessons learnt are:

No one likes to be told what to do, particularly before 10am. This is not the way to get someone to comply with exercise. In a calmer state, at an mutually convenient time, we could negotiate time to do exercise. Overtime, mum was very compliant at doing the exercises she felt safe to do all by herself. When she was forewarned and emotionally prepared she was most of the time willing to do scary things like go up and down the 13 internal stairs.

 

In my meditations I was able to see things from my mums perspective and feel how scary it was to get moving again after a fall and to feel the vulnerability in her dependence. It wasn't what she wanted. I saw that ageing can be a vulnerable experience and maintaining some sense of control of your world is the most important thing.

 

My enquiry into my own reactivity to my mums demise, revealed to me that my angry communication and attempts to control her behaviour by imposing my militant exercise regime was coming from my anxiety. I was fearful that if she didn't restore her mobility and fitness her health would decline. Very real possibility. And of course beneath that anxiety was love. Once I could connect with that love, it opened pathways of communications and negotiation.

 

I was able to share with mum that we both have that pattern. She with my dad and again this opened up some shared self awareness that helped her also to take more responsibility for her own emotions. A few times she apologised for being a bitch and was open to some breathing techniques to help manage her anxiety. Well done Mum!

 

In my absence she has continued to progress and is able to walk around the house without any aid. For safety she does the stairs with the crutch and only when my dad is home, though she could do them if need arose.

Photo image is of 3000year old Olive Tree in Grove in Puglia, Italy